Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Have you seen them?

Early in June, I was working in the garden at dusk. As I kneeled to pull some weeds, I noticed a bug hovering at my eye level. Very curious. Suddenly the bug lit up. Then I knew it - the lightning bugs (a.k.a. fire flies) are back!!! Have you seen them? They are about a month early - due to warmer than normal weather I'm told. Anyway - they are amazing!


As I went for a walk after dark that night, I could see them blinking and flying around everywhere. It was like nature's version of twinkle lights. Enchanting!


One summer when I was about 8 years old, my uncle, aunt and 2 cousins came to visit from Oregon. My sister and I were outside playing with our cousins when the lightning bugs came out. One of them landed on my cousin and she was scared. As soon as she saw that they were harmless, we were all running around squealing with joy as we tried to catch them.


But I was confused. Why she didn't recognize the lightning bugs? Aren't they allowed to play outside in Oregon??! My uncle (or aunt) later explained that there are no lightning bugs in Oregon. I was stunned! Oregon isn't the same as Ohio? My 8-year-old brain had just learned a lesson in assumptions.


Have you ever realized, after the fact, that you made an assumption that caused you to put someone down, be angry, feel bad about yourself, or caused miscommunication? Of course you have! We make assumptions all the time! Some of those assumptions, like the one about lightning bugs, are caused by a lack of knowledge. Others are caused by beliefs about yourself, someone else, or a situation.


Have you ever been dragged, kicking and screaming, to a party or event - only to have a wonderful time after you got there? Yep, you made an assumption about what would happen at that party and you were WRONG! You assumed these people would be boring, or that you wouldn't have anything in common with them, or the food would be awful, or...


Then your mind took that assumption and built a whole one-act play on it! The bad conversations will make you feel awkward. You'll struggle to think of something to say. Then you'll say something wrong or eat too much. You'll be embarrassed, there will be a scene, no one will ever talk to you again, and on and on....


But you went to the event and none of that happened! You had a great time. The food and conversations were superb! Your assumptions were unfounded. How could you have been so wrong?



An assumption is just a story that you tell yourself when you don't know the truth. There are lots of stories you can make up when you don't know for sure. Look at the story I was concocting about why my cousins didn't recognize lightning bugs. But the bottom line is that when you assume, especially when you assume something negative - something that makes you feel bad, angry or fearful, you are more than likely WRONG.


If you walk by a couple of acquaintances and they ignore you, do you assume you have done something to offend them? Or do you realize that they just didn't see you?


How many times have you had to apologize about actions you took based on an assumption - "I'm sorry, I assumed that you saw me, I assumed the party would be boring ......"? If you recognize that you're making an assumption, you could stop yourself before you did something that needs an apology!



Try keeping track of how many assumptions you make for 24 hours. I bet you'll be surprised! If you write down those assumptions, you can question them by asking "Do I absolutely know for sure that this is true?"


If the answer is "No", ask yourself if you could let go of that thought/assumption. After all, you would be believing a lie.


If the answer is "Yes", ask yourself if there has ever been a time when this wasn't true. Maybe you need to ask questions to better understand the issue. That's what I should have done to understand why my cousins didn't recognize the lightning bugs!


With practice you'll become aware, in the moment, that you are making assumptions. Then you can short circuit the assumption, especially those negative assumptions, before you attach any thoughts to it!!


Take some advice from Joe Friday, in the 1950's TV program Dragnet, "The facts.... just the facts, ma'am."



Betsy


http://www.BetsyBaxter.com/
"Get a life you really, really, REALLY want!"

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Her American Dream

I've been mentoring a woman for over 2 years named Liz. This past weekend I witnessed Liz fulfill one of her life-long dreams. It is a common American Dream. She bought her first home and moved in!

But this was a dream that many told her would never happen. She is the first person in her extended family to ever own a home. She had to overcome a lot of obstacles to accomplish this. Some of the obstacles had emotional roots in her childhood. Other obstacles were simply not knowing what she needed to do - like how to get a loan. Liz embraced the changes she needed to make in her life with determination and even zest!! She was driven!!! There were so many unexpected blessings along the way that we both knew that God was guiding this process and she was on the right track.

How appropriate that her dream was finalized on a weekend when we Americans celebrate our freedom - freedom to be what we want to be. I feel so blessed to live in America!!

My wish for you is that you too can live the life of your dreams!

Betsy

http://www.betsybaxter.com/
"Get the life you really, really, REALLY want!"