Have you seen them?

Early in June, I was working in the garden at dusk. As I kneeled to pull some weeds, I noticed a bug hovering at my eye level. Very curious. Suddenly the bug lit up. Then I knew it - the lightning bugs (a.k.a. fire flies) are back!!! Have you seen them? They are about a month early - due to warmer than normal weather I'm told. Anyway - they are amazing!


As I went for a walk after dark that night, I could see them blinking and flying around everywhere. It was like nature's version of twinkle lights. Enchanting!


One summer when I was about 8 years old, my uncle, aunt and 2 cousins came to visit from Oregon. My sister and I were outside playing with our cousins when the lightning bugs came out. One of them landed on my cousin and she was scared. As soon as she saw that they were harmless, we were all running around squealing with joy as we tried to catch them.


But I was confused. Why she didn't recognize the lightning bugs? Aren't they allowed to play outside in Oregon??! My uncle (or aunt) later explained that there are no lightning bugs in Oregon. I was stunned! Oregon isn't the same as Ohio? My 8-year-old brain had just learned a lesson in assumptions.


Have you ever realized, after the fact, that you made an assumption that caused you to put someone down, be angry, feel bad about yourself, or caused miscommunication? Of course you have! We make assumptions all the time! Some of those assumptions, like the one about lightning bugs, are caused by a lack of knowledge. Others are caused by beliefs about yourself, someone else, or a situation.


Have you ever been dragged, kicking and screaming, to a party or event - only to have a wonderful time after you got there? Yep, you made an assumption about what would happen at that party and you were WRONG! You assumed these people would be boring, or that you wouldn't have anything in common with them, or the food would be awful, or...


Then your mind took that assumption and built a whole one-act play on it! The bad conversations will make you feel awkward. You'll struggle to think of something to say. Then you'll say something wrong or eat too much. You'll be embarrassed, there will be a scene, no one will ever talk to you again, and on and on....


But you went to the event and none of that happened! You had a great time. The food and conversations were superb! Your assumptions were unfounded. How could you have been so wrong?



An assumption is just a story that you tell yourself when you don't know the truth. There are lots of stories you can make up when you don't know for sure. Look at the story I was concocting about why my cousins didn't recognize lightning bugs. But the bottom line is that when you assume, especially when you assume something negative - something that makes you feel bad, angry or fearful, you are more than likely WRONG.


If you walk by a couple of acquaintances and they ignore you, do you assume you have done something to offend them? Or do you realize that they just didn't see you?


How many times have you had to apologize about actions you took based on an assumption - "I'm sorry, I assumed that you saw me, I assumed the party would be boring ......"? If you recognize that you're making an assumption, you could stop yourself before you did something that needs an apology!



Try keeping track of how many assumptions you make for 24 hours. I bet you'll be surprised! If you write down those assumptions, you can question them by asking "Do I absolutely know for sure that this is true?"


If the answer is "No", ask yourself if you could let go of that thought/assumption. After all, you would be believing a lie.


If the answer is "Yes", ask yourself if there has ever been a time when this wasn't true. Maybe you need to ask questions to better understand the issue. That's what I should have done to understand why my cousins didn't recognize the lightning bugs!


With practice you'll become aware, in the moment, that you are making assumptions. Then you can short circuit the assumption, especially those negative assumptions, before you attach any thoughts to it!!


Take some advice from Joe Friday, in the 1950's TV program Dragnet, "The facts.... just the facts, ma'am."



Betsy


http://www.BetsyBaxter.com/
"Get a life you really, really, REALLY want!"

Her American Dream

I've been mentoring a woman for over 2 years named Liz. This past weekend I witnessed Liz fulfill one of her life-long dreams. It is a common American Dream. She bought her first home and moved in!

But this was a dream that many told her would never happen. She is the first person in her extended family to ever own a home. She had to overcome a lot of obstacles to accomplish this. Some of the obstacles had emotional roots in her childhood. Other obstacles were simply not knowing what she needed to do - like how to get a loan. Liz embraced the changes she needed to make in her life with determination and even zest!! She was driven!!! There were so many unexpected blessings along the way that we both knew that God was guiding this process and she was on the right track.

How appropriate that her dream was finalized on a weekend when we Americans celebrate our freedom - freedom to be what we want to be. I feel so blessed to live in America!!

My wish for you is that you too can live the life of your dreams!

Betsy

http://www.betsybaxter.com/
"Get the life you really, really, REALLY want!"

Giving

Every day we have opportunities to give to others. Sometimes we give possessions, sometimes we give our time. A compliment or a smile costs nothing and takes little time. I really enjoy the moment when you catch someone’s eye and as you smile, you see the smile spread across their face. I feel especially blessed if I also see a momentary twinkle in their eyes! What a gift!

One of my favorite ways of giving is to volunteer. I began mentoring a woman while she was in a correctional facility. On my first visit she told me that no one had come to visit her in the last 6 months. I offered to visit her every week, even though my commitment was for twice a month. She was due to be released in 2 months and I thought it would give us a chance to get to know each other. We would sit in the library and talk about her past, mistakes she made and what she’s learned from them, and her dreams for the future. We laughed and cried. On our last visit before her release she thanked me for taking the time to visit her every week. She explained that it meant so much to her because when we were talking, she could pretend she wasn’t incarcerated. She didn’t have to keep up her guard, she could just relax and be.

The funny thing is, I didn’t think I would be able to make a difference in her life until she was released. But I was giving her a gift just by visiting her and her gratitude was a HUGE and unexpected gift to me.

I also volunteer at my church’s Healing Center. I meet with new guests, who are mainly the working poor, and offer them caring support, food, clothing and referrals to agencies that may be able to help with programs or a job. I recently spoke with a woman who had come to take advantage of our free income tax service. She was hoping that she was getting a big refund so she could pay some bills. But to her dismay, they told her that she actually had to pay a few dollars. She had a knee replacement a few months ago and her disability claim had been refused. She was unable to work until her doctor released her, so she was in a real bind; no income and no savings to pay her monthly bills. She had always been the one that her daughters and friends came to for help. She lived by the scripture “It is better to give than receive”.

Despite the fact that she was in danger of being evicted and had no money for food, she could not take the food we offered. Having always worked and supported herself, she only knew how to give; she had no idea how to receive. I asked her to remember how wonderful she feels when she gives to others. Then I suggested that by not allowing others to give to her when she needed help, she was denying them that same good feeling.

I believe that we are here to help each other. That means that sometimes you are the giver and sometimes you are the receiver. But no matter which role you play, everybody wins.

Betsy
http://www.betsybaxter.com/
"Get a life you really, really, REALLY want!

It's SPRING!!!!

I'm so thrilled that Spring is here! It's my FAVORITE season! The promise of new life and renewed lives is everywhere. Everything is new again and ''hope springs eternal''. It seems to be the perfect time to try something new or let go of old habits. "Out with the old, in with the new!" New opportunites, extra energy, new motiviation to change seem effortless.

I love the smell of the fresh crisp air in the morning and the sound of the birds that seem to suddenly be everywhere now. The grass is starting to turn that beautiful, deep, velvety green. The sun seems brighter and the sky seems bluer than ever before. The white of the clouds is a stark contrast to the blue, blue sky.

It's so awesome to open the windows if the afternoon gets warm enough and let that warmer, lovely breeze clear the yucky air out of the house. My crocuses started blooming a few weeks ago. That was the first sign that Spring was on the way!

We had a perfect February and March this year in Cincinnati. It stayed cool. In previous years the temperatures would get too warm temporarily causing the bulbs to start blooming and the trees (especially the beautiful magnolias) to start blooming too early. Then the cold winter winds return and freeze them, turning them brown. Not this year!! My daffodils are just starting to bloom. Their beautiful, bright yellow blooms are so cheerful. They really pop against the dark green of the grass and dark brown of the soil. Lovely!

I lived in Southern California for a few years and Spring wasn't nearly so exciting for me. I think I need the cold and barren Cincinnati winters as a contrast to truly appreciate the beauty of Spring. And so it is with life. If everything went well all the time, the miracles of joy and prosperity wouldn't seem nearly so wondrous.

I'm so very grateful for the eyes that can see the beauty that God has given us on this sunny spring day and the ability to appreciate it!

Betsy
http://www.betsybaxter.com/
"Get a life you really, really, REALLY want!"